R0b0t1
11-03-2007, 04:24 AM
http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/f/ff/Stop_hand.png/32px-Stop_hand.pngAttempt To Explain Joke:
This tutorial attempts to explain a joke in minute detail, as if to an idiot, a very small child, or a very small child who is also an idiot. It also attempts to explain its own explanation, which, if successful, could result in crashing the universe. Please do not crash the universe.
Table of Contents
British humour
American humor
Being a comedian/canadian
Explanation of explanation
British humour
British humour is often the most funny of all - lets see some examples.
British humour is the greatest of all forms of entertainment. No foreign person ever invented has truly understood this, especially not inhabitants of the fucking terrible nation of France. This handy, helpful guide will let you, Johnny Foreigner, get to grips with this important part of British culture.
Before we start, two extremely important ground rules should be brought to the attention of the non-British.
1. We (the British) don't like ourselves especially the ourselves who are in politics. We're (politicians) socially inept, we've (politicians) our Empire up the wall, we’ve off everyone in our own continent of Europe and the rest of the world (we're (not politicians, since they think alliances are worthwhile, hence Iraq) proud of that last one) We are trying to change this so watch this space.
2. The only way we survive is by always taking the piss out of ourselves.
Collectively, the way we disguise these three loathings is called our humour.
As you can undoubtedly see, this fine example beats the shit out of other forms of entertainment, especially Television. For other inept forms of human life, such as the Americanus or the A. fatassus (Which in most locals are not considered part of the Homosapien[i] group), these following paragraphs will be much to their distaste.
First, lets go through [i]Potty Humour:
Arse: Your ass
Bum: Your ass
Fanny: Your ass but not ours
Cock: Male chicken
Chelsea: Old Age Pensioner
France: Cheese-eating surrender monkey,
Pooh: Bear excrement
Shit: Victoria Beckham
Tit: David Beckham. Also a type of bird
Potty humour is often the most lowly and funny form of humour, often by young children and hackers. Any sentence can be made funny by adding bum, poo, or willy to the end. Be warned if speaking to Americans as "bum" must be changed to "yo ass".
In the beginning of time however, there was a word, and it was Developer. Soon after this word, Chuck Norris decided to com into existence. For the next sometime, there was some meaningless void... And then time was created. Many were upset and though this was a bad move. Soon after gravity was created and was not noticed for some millenia,and went on a rampage pulling people of off cliffs and buildings trying to be loved. Oscar Wilde and Chuck begin the wiring work.
Once the wiring work is completed:
God: Let there be light!
Chuck: Say please.
God: Please
*Click*
Thereafter chaos comes into existence and farts creating the dolphins, get stuck to the bottom of Oscar Wilde's shoe, and gives him superpowers. Oscar then invents homosexuals.
God goes on vacation and chuck starts building the big bang. Seventy seconds after the big bang, however, God rushes in and asks, "Am I late?". *Akward silence for a millenia"
When earth finally showed up, Chuck tried to roundhouse kick ethiopia and missed, destroying Atlantis. Around this time the Brits discovered the cat god, Rawr, this is amazing cause the Brits don't exist yet. However, half a second after this, the world ceases to exist and then reappears really quick. The Brits joined the party. This, however, didn't crash half-life. Nothing crashes half-lif bitch.
http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/e/e8/Godpissed.png/300px-Godpissed.png
Get off my half-life, bitch!
Oxygen is invented and starts trying to burn people with Yo Mama jokes.
Then, Oxygen is discovered by humans. They learn adding it to some substances produces some kick ass explosions.
http://www.aristatek.com/newsletter/0606June/TechSpeak_files/image006.jpg
When bill gates invents windows, he provides a default desktop
http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/4/45/Errors.png/600px-Errors.png
In around -1111111BC, microsoft releases the whole buglist.
http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/0/01/Buglist.jpg/250px-Buglist.jpg
And I post more pics.
http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/4/40/Startrek-BSoD.gif
Oh, and George Bush makes Bill invent CNTRL+ALT+DEL to prevent more lawsuites.
Then he has to invent the Cn7R1+4L7+D3l337 to save the world.
American humor
Scientists and Physicists don't exactly get it yet.
“Yo dude! I'm from New York”
~ First American
“WOOOOOOOO YEAH!!! NEW YORK BABY”
~ Second American
“YEAH!!”
~ First American
...which is then proceeded by a chest bump.
Being a comedian/canadian
Being a comedian is often, contrary to popular belief, easy. If you are a canadian (a person from Canadia), this job is often made easier by the Americanus' lack of humour, which, despite called a lack, is rather funny. Cause lack rimes with slack, and I'm six feet under...
But anyway, the canadians, from canadia, were chastised for there awesome jokes, which made God mad at February, so he killed the 30th day of that month, and stunted 29. This all happened around the year 1262. Another great year was 1337, the year when the Americans invented to supa h4x and accidently injected the wrong code and killed all of the Armenians/American Indians (Native Americans.. What ever. They get pissed no matter what).
After the end of time, however, Chuck Norris divides by zero and starts the universe up again... And blows it up again... But returns with a time machine stolen/borrowed from Bill Gates. He goes back in time to say the word "Developer" and creates himself again. Sadly, this loop keeps repeating as Chuck forgot his hacking keyboards.
Explanation of explanation
This article is meant to explain humour and humor in a very humourus way. This humourus sound like the bone in your arm, so my arm must be very funny. Besides the French eating wine and drinking cheese (Yeah, its that gooier) the fact that this article actually makes cents (or pence) will blow you mind. Pay no attention to this, or you may end up screwing the Universe over. That would be bad. The Canadians would run out of punchlines.
Epilogue - Time II
After n3ss3s screwed the universe over trying to understand this, there was created Time II. Then, Chuck decided to recreate the iPod and screwed everyone over. You see, even chuck has to obey time once and a while. So he re-created everything except God, as he though he was too nice. So, he named to new earth ground, except it took up all of the emprty space in the universe... There was barely any headroom. So eventually Bill Gates invents Mirrors XP and crashes Michael Jackson, but before that michael created soda. Many companies were formed including Koke, Popsi, Boulder Dew, and Lemon. This soon created a war name the "Great War of Soda". Terrible weapons were discovered, and Koke invented the Nonclear Bomb. This terrible device was 12 billion litres of soda in one container. Koke shook these at each of its competitors and let loose. Koke won, however, the huge wave of soda therafter killed all employees.
Soon after were was "Norris War I" where all chaos broke out. Tom Cruise almost defeated Norris when he was busy working on Time III, but Cruise underestimated the effectiveness of a bowl of Chile restaurants. Anyway, in the end, Darth Vader ends up changing Time III for his needs and destroys the universe... Except for Chuck... And Michael Jackson.
But then those two realize that it was really the Armenians/Native Americans (Whatever.) that commit genocide against everyone else...
This tutorial attempts to explain a joke in minute detail, as if to an idiot, a very small child, or a very small child who is also an idiot. It also attempts to explain its own explanation, which, if successful, could result in crashing the universe. Please do not crash the universe.
Table of Contents
British humour
American humor
Being a comedian/canadian
Explanation of explanation
British humour
British humour is often the most funny of all - lets see some examples.
British humour is the greatest of all forms of entertainment. No foreign person ever invented has truly understood this, especially not inhabitants of the fucking terrible nation of France. This handy, helpful guide will let you, Johnny Foreigner, get to grips with this important part of British culture.
Before we start, two extremely important ground rules should be brought to the attention of the non-British.
1. We (the British) don't like ourselves especially the ourselves who are in politics. We're (politicians) socially inept, we've (politicians) our Empire up the wall, we’ve off everyone in our own continent of Europe and the rest of the world (we're (not politicians, since they think alliances are worthwhile, hence Iraq) proud of that last one) We are trying to change this so watch this space.
2. The only way we survive is by always taking the piss out of ourselves.
Collectively, the way we disguise these three loathings is called our humour.
As you can undoubtedly see, this fine example beats the shit out of other forms of entertainment, especially Television. For other inept forms of human life, such as the Americanus or the A. fatassus (Which in most locals are not considered part of the Homosapien[i] group), these following paragraphs will be much to their distaste.
First, lets go through [i]Potty Humour:
Arse: Your ass
Bum: Your ass
Fanny: Your ass but not ours
Cock: Male chicken
Chelsea: Old Age Pensioner
France: Cheese-eating surrender monkey,
Pooh: Bear excrement
Shit: Victoria Beckham
Tit: David Beckham. Also a type of bird
Potty humour is often the most lowly and funny form of humour, often by young children and hackers. Any sentence can be made funny by adding bum, poo, or willy to the end. Be warned if speaking to Americans as "bum" must be changed to "yo ass".
In the beginning of time however, there was a word, and it was Developer. Soon after this word, Chuck Norris decided to com into existence. For the next sometime, there was some meaningless void... And then time was created. Many were upset and though this was a bad move. Soon after gravity was created and was not noticed for some millenia,and went on a rampage pulling people of off cliffs and buildings trying to be loved. Oscar Wilde and Chuck begin the wiring work.
Once the wiring work is completed:
God: Let there be light!
Chuck: Say please.
God: Please
*Click*
Thereafter chaos comes into existence and farts creating the dolphins, get stuck to the bottom of Oscar Wilde's shoe, and gives him superpowers. Oscar then invents homosexuals.
God goes on vacation and chuck starts building the big bang. Seventy seconds after the big bang, however, God rushes in and asks, "Am I late?". *Akward silence for a millenia"
When earth finally showed up, Chuck tried to roundhouse kick ethiopia and missed, destroying Atlantis. Around this time the Brits discovered the cat god, Rawr, this is amazing cause the Brits don't exist yet. However, half a second after this, the world ceases to exist and then reappears really quick. The Brits joined the party. This, however, didn't crash half-life. Nothing crashes half-lif bitch.
http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/e/e8/Godpissed.png/300px-Godpissed.png
Get off my half-life, bitch!
Oxygen is invented and starts trying to burn people with Yo Mama jokes.
Then, Oxygen is discovered by humans. They learn adding it to some substances produces some kick ass explosions.
http://www.aristatek.com/newsletter/0606June/TechSpeak_files/image006.jpg
When bill gates invents windows, he provides a default desktop
http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/4/45/Errors.png/600px-Errors.png
In around -1111111BC, microsoft releases the whole buglist.
http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/0/01/Buglist.jpg/250px-Buglist.jpg
And I post more pics.
http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/4/40/Startrek-BSoD.gif
Oh, and George Bush makes Bill invent CNTRL+ALT+DEL to prevent more lawsuites.
Then he has to invent the Cn7R1+4L7+D3l337 to save the world.
American humor
Scientists and Physicists don't exactly get it yet.
“Yo dude! I'm from New York”
~ First American
“WOOOOOOOO YEAH!!! NEW YORK BABY”
~ Second American
“YEAH!!”
~ First American
...which is then proceeded by a chest bump.
Being a comedian/canadian
Being a comedian is often, contrary to popular belief, easy. If you are a canadian (a person from Canadia), this job is often made easier by the Americanus' lack of humour, which, despite called a lack, is rather funny. Cause lack rimes with slack, and I'm six feet under...
But anyway, the canadians, from canadia, were chastised for there awesome jokes, which made God mad at February, so he killed the 30th day of that month, and stunted 29. This all happened around the year 1262. Another great year was 1337, the year when the Americans invented to supa h4x and accidently injected the wrong code and killed all of the Armenians/American Indians (Native Americans.. What ever. They get pissed no matter what).
After the end of time, however, Chuck Norris divides by zero and starts the universe up again... And blows it up again... But returns with a time machine stolen/borrowed from Bill Gates. He goes back in time to say the word "Developer" and creates himself again. Sadly, this loop keeps repeating as Chuck forgot his hacking keyboards.
Explanation of explanation
This article is meant to explain humour and humor in a very humourus way. This humourus sound like the bone in your arm, so my arm must be very funny. Besides the French eating wine and drinking cheese (Yeah, its that gooier) the fact that this article actually makes cents (or pence) will blow you mind. Pay no attention to this, or you may end up screwing the Universe over. That would be bad. The Canadians would run out of punchlines.
Epilogue - Time II
After n3ss3s screwed the universe over trying to understand this, there was created Time II. Then, Chuck decided to recreate the iPod and screwed everyone over. You see, even chuck has to obey time once and a while. So he re-created everything except God, as he though he was too nice. So, he named to new earth ground, except it took up all of the emprty space in the universe... There was barely any headroom. So eventually Bill Gates invents Mirrors XP and crashes Michael Jackson, but before that michael created soda. Many companies were formed including Koke, Popsi, Boulder Dew, and Lemon. This soon created a war name the "Great War of Soda". Terrible weapons were discovered, and Koke invented the Nonclear Bomb. This terrible device was 12 billion litres of soda in one container. Koke shook these at each of its competitors and let loose. Koke won, however, the huge wave of soda therafter killed all employees.
Soon after were was "Norris War I" where all chaos broke out. Tom Cruise almost defeated Norris when he was busy working on Time III, but Cruise underestimated the effectiveness of a bowl of Chile restaurants. Anyway, in the end, Darth Vader ends up changing Time III for his needs and destroys the universe... Except for Chuck... And Michael Jackson.
But then those two realize that it was really the Armenians/Native Americans (Whatever.) that commit genocide against everyone else...