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X!X
05-20-2008, 05:31 AM
I think it is ok :) A little long..

Look up on that dual star
He tries his best to shine
But he isn't good enough...
his flow of ambition
To be good...
At the end of the day he will just collapse.
The vibrancy of the perfect flower
is unneeded to shine.
What comes out of the outer edge,
Doesn't matter as long as you shine in the core.
Trying to change your core to have a better outer edge,
is the thing the dual star must never do.
Why do flowers have different colors,
Why hate just one because of it's color?
True knowledge comes deeper.
Why must people make such bad decisions,
that come to haunt them in the near future,
and effect everyone around them?
Everyone should love who they are.
The reason for life is to
teach people not to fear the small,
and never waste time when you could be with
your loved ones.
But don't worry to much
No one wins life or loses it.
But when you wake up,
be happy you are still alive.

thedemonic19
05-22-2008, 08:18 AM
Not bad mate. Not bad at all for a first. im only 13 started poetry last yr. Im pretty gd the last 1 i posted was 1 of my crappier 1s lol. Fact of life you got in there mate. keep trying:) Dont want to be outdone by a 13 yr old lol. THUMBS UP!!!

Pikachu4
08-07-2008, 02:26 AM
I started when I was 13. Now I'm 15.

You should really separate it into stanzas though or else its not a poem, its more of a big block of text.