Start to a descriptive essay

[JPHamlett]

John Hamlett
Period 4

As one approaches a blue-grey building that only a select few are lucky enough to call home, you’ll probably notice grass that needs to be trimmed a little bit. After maneuvering you way through the maze of cars that sit in the driveway, you’ll encounter a Describe DOOR better. When one walks in they’ll have to make their way through a seemingly never ending ocean of shoes, due to the house being filled with at least seven people at all times. If one is observant enough they might notice two sets of stairs, one leading down to the depths of my basement and one leading upstairs to the family area. Alongside the stairs there is a white spiral railing. One can tell the railing was white at one point in time, but the paint has been chipped away by hands grabbing onto it as they go down the stairs, leaving behind the black underwire. If one manages to get up the steep wood stairs then one will have the privilege to lay their eyes upon the Hamlett’s residence.
As one leaves the foyer one’s sense of smell will have euphoria. It will be tantalized with the aroma of something baking in the oven or being prepared on the marble counter tops.


About half way done. Tell me what you think

[Hobbit]

Don't refer to the audience as both "one" and "you" in the same sentence. Also you over use the term one, in my opinion.

But other than those two minor points it's a good start :)

[footballjds]

As one approaches a blue-grey building that only a select few are lucky enough to call home, you’ll(one and you'll same sentence, try they'd or similar...) probably notice grass that needs to be trimmed a little bit. After maneuvering you[r] way through the maze of cars that sit in the driveway, you’ll encounter a Describe DOOR better(massive oaken door trimmed with blah blah blah more shit outta your ass). When one walks in they’ll have to make their way through a seemingly never ending ocean of shoesUpon entering the house a seemingly endless ocean of shoes will have to be navigated through(or similar, try to use one less often), due to the house being filled with at least seven people at all times. If one is observant enough they might notice two sets of stairs, one leading down to the depths of my basement and one leading upstairs to the family area. Alongside the stairs there is a white spiral railing. One can tell the railing was white at one point in time, but the paint has been chipped away by hands grabbing onto it as they go down the stairs, leaving behind the black underwire. If one manages to get up the steep wood stairs then one will have the privilege to lay their eyes upon the Hamlett’s residence.
As one leaves the foyer one’s sense of smell will have euphoriasomeones sense of smell cannot posses something :P. It will be tantalized with the aroma of somethingIt's supposed to be descriptive so describe or at the very least tell us what's in the oven baking in the oven or being prepared on the marble counter tops.


$0.02, you use one a LOT :(
overall good start.