Life Advice?

Hey guys,

I'm not really sure why I'm even posting this. I know no words are going to help. I love this community, and everyone here. I know that some people here care about me, and some couldn't give two fucks what I think, but whatever.

I'm not having a fun time, these last couple days/weeks/months. I've been hiding it from myself, from everyone. I'm just a teenager, I don't know shit about life.

Maybe someone could clarify. There's a girl. You can figure it out from there. I dont even know what the point of this post is anymore. I was going to ask for advice on this situation, but Ireally dont know what to do about it.

What do you do when you're down? Really down. I've been told I'm almost depressed, over this girl. I need help with my life, and I really trust the guys here. I cant think of anything else to say really. I feel like a really big fag telling you guys that I'm crying right now about this shit. I trust you to not make fun of me at school though. I just want something to get me through this, I wont do anything stupid, please dont worry about me. I'm just really down. I'm sorry for wasting space with a pointless post with no real question.

dont be ashamed to talk about stuff like this to us, :)

but i used to be in this situation, what helped was just talking to her, and being used to being around her(and it ended up very well, if you know what i mean ;))

if i understand your problem correctly

Something like this is never pointless. It's always good to talk about issues you're having. There's no sense in keeping it all in.

So what's the deal with this girl? You like her obviously, but why are you upset about it? Does she not know you? Does she have a boyfriend?

Meh, you'll always remember the girl, but the feeling will fade over time (if you don't do anything about it).
But, you might as well take a stab at her, if she rejects you, you'll feel crappier for a few days, then you'll start feeling better.

No, I was going to type the full story but I started crying again. Let me try again, sorry if I dont have proper grammar, its the least of my worries. Thanks for being so understanding though.

I'm going to look back on this in a day,week,month and realize how dumb I sound, but i'll go through with it for you guys.

This girl and I were extremely close in my grade... 9 year. We were dating a little, I live just down the street from her. I invited her to fireworks one night, a canada day celebration. She told me no, so I went with a friend of mine, who was a girl, but I had no feelings for. We just sat there, watched the fireworks, and went our seperate ways. I got told by this girl, the one I like, the next day that her friends saw me and my friend making out at the fireworks, which didn't happen.

I fucked up by even going, I know. This girl meant/means the world to me. She said she cried/didnt eat/ sat in her bed for 3 days straight. She didn't trust me for a long time. I've had lots of moments where I was getting close to her in the last few years, and I thought she might give me a second chance. She wont trust me to tell the truth about that night, and has never wanted to get close to me emotionally since. She bails and fucks me over whenever I start to re-like her again.

I've been told by a few of my closest friends that they think I love her. I've never been able to decide. Lately, we've been really close, and she told me that the only reason that she's over and over gotten close emotionally, told me she liked me, then fucked me over, for the last 3 years is because she doesn't trust me to not fuck her over, because of that story that her friend made up. And I got to thinking, that I really fucked my life over in one night. I could have had the girl of my dreams if I hadn't gone to the fireworks that night. I could have stayed at home and dealt with not going out for the night, but I fucked up my love life for 3 years in one swift nut kick.

I dont know if that even makes sense, but I've like(loved?) this girl for 3 years, and couldn't be with her because one person made up a story, and fucked everything up. I just dont really know what to think. 3 years of life that's been fucked because the only girl I've ever wanted to be with thought I was going to fuck her over, so she continually fucked me over. And I kept coming back. She made everything perfect, talking to her, flirting with her, seeing her for the 5 seconds that I see her every day. That could have been my life, if I hadn't screwed everything up.

I just feel like a huge failure, I dont know what to think about how much of my life could have changed. I'm a fuckup, and nothing has worked out this whole time because of it.

E: Gonna try laying down for a while. It's midnight, we'll see if sleep helps or not. If I'm good for tomorrow, I'll just delete this and not create pointless shit.

who ever made up the story, kick them in the ass, hard.

also get your friends to tell her exactly what you told us, ect ect. i probly wont help much here :(

Man, absolutely none of that is your fault. If you've known her this long, and she can't trust you, maybe that's her loss. This is the reason I tried to stay out of high school drama. No one ends up happy, and it's just a big shitfight.

You've done nothing wrong here, there's no reason why you should be upset with yourself. You went to see fireworks with a friend. Hell, Nava took my girlfriend out for dinner and a play when I was in BC last weekend. Granite that's probably a different situation, but same principle.

If you've done everything you can do try to get this girl to trust you, there's nothing else you can do. Honestly, it's her loss if she's not letting it go after three years.

I know exactly how you are feeling. This is almost weird!

What helped with my situation was focusing all (ALL) my attention on something else. If you cannot be friends with her because it'll hurt you, then tell her and hope she understands. Don't let the women screw with your emotions.

I focused all my attention back into SRL for awhile and it really helped make her pass by.


Other than that, spending your time thinking about what you did when it is unchangeable, especially since this is not your fault, will do nothing. So just keep your head up and find a hobby to keep your attention.

Hope all goes well.

Sounds like you love her, and that maybe she does back...I dunno. But the "I don't trust you over a story 3 years ago" excuse sounds like something she's telling herself in order to "hold herself back", to keep herself grounded kind of. At the time she said no anyway yea, so theres no reason for you to hold that agaisnt yourself. If she didn't use that as an excuse, she'd use something else.

And she keeps letting you get closer to her again? Just like you keep letting her get closer to you again. It probably reaches a point where you're both not mature enough to deal with/control the depth of the feelings you're experiencing, or to fully let yourself go - for her it seems she has some fears of abandonment/other trust issues. So you drift off, realise that it was more fun being friends, gets back to the same point or even closer, drift off again, etc.

The only way is forward, though. Dwelling on the past gains absolutely nothing but thats not to say you can't learn from the past. If it works out, it works out, if not then theres nothing you can do...you can either try and convince her through some grand gesture of your feelings, or wait it out. Beats me, I've got a similarly unresolved situation too lol.

The Claw and Coh3n got most of the points I was thinking.

I've had (and have) similar situations. I've talked it over many times with people I trust and believe in.

Biggest advice I can give is focus on your life, your future. If she wants to be apart of it awesome, great. I suggest you wait until you both mature a bit (refer to The Claws post). It takes time and wisdom to understand and trust each other, just how it is.

Like others have said I have been through the same, and am still currently going through it.

Here is my story (I will make a short as possible)

So I was already dating someone when this whole thing started. But one day I had an after school computers class and I had to go to the bathroom. So I went out of the computer lab and the leadership class was decorating the hallway for Christmas. Now one of my friends (Girl) and another girl who i'd never spoken to before where decorating the door I came out of. Girl I never spoken to before (Her name is Shandra) stuck a big piece of tape to me. I then proceeded to peel it off then stuck it in her hair, stuck my tongue out and continued on my way to the bath room. I really didnt think much of it at the time, but it turns out that simple action sparked us talking and I dont know if Ive ever had a closer friend than her. (P.S. she was 2 grades below me) So We hung out a lot and she followed me around at school and I have to admit there were feeling forming there but I decided to lie to her, myself and everyone else and passed them off as me feeling protective of her like a little sister (When full well i knew they weren't) Sooo time went on and I had numerous chances to tell her and to date her but I never confessed because I was so scared that I would screw something up and loose the closest I'd ever had. Wellllll stupid Chris probably about 4 months ago, we were talking and she kinda forced a confession out of me. But not she finds it very hard to trust me about it cause I didnt tell her for so long and she has a hard time accepting it as truth. Now we are farther apart than before I told her and its a new type of pain talking to her every day. I want to talk to her but yet at the same time dread the thought of it because of a chance a fight will happen.



SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Now to my point.

We all make decisions in life and can never know all the effects they will have. You choose to see fireworks with a friend. I choose to try to keep my closest friend. There is nothing either of us could have done differently and nothing we can do to change what has happened. All we can do is live each day as we need to and take it as it comes. I do not believe that I will ever get a chance to date her again and to be honest I wouldn't care as long as I could have my best friend back.

Throughout life you will gain people and loose people. Such is life. Just do things to occupy your mind, hang out with friends often, do things you enjoy. Live your life and if it is meant to be, it will happen. If not, you will find someone better and more deserving of you.

Pretty much of what I'd say has been said, yes.

To answer your very first questions; well, sleep is a nice thing to make time pass. Others might say drugs or likewise, but I'd rather people stay away from that stuff, and especailly in such a situation as yours.

Either way, I want to tell you that I think most people here are able to (at least in some grade) relate to your situation. The phase youre going through right now, well, I'm almost certain that it's just another one of life's trials. If this girl is the only thing (person) that gives you drastical moodswings, I wouldn't say you're depressed. I know life can be tough, but all in all it comes down to your mentality, and the way you choose to look at life. If you're not actually having issues with your brain not producing enough .. happy emotions, (Forgot the name..?) you're not really depressed; what a waste to make yourself think you are. The power of one's mind is far stronger than one would expect, you're by no doubt going to get issues if you think you have issues.
POINT IS; it all depends on your point of view; how you see everything. Try imagining a situation from someone else's side; try imagining the situation between you and her from her point of view. See the big picture, notice the small details.

The more I think about it, the more the thought makes me baww; you've known her for quite some time now, which means that you've no doubt established a connection and a bond of trust of some sorts, at least. This makes it so much more likely than not for her to understand you if you just went out and told her how you felt. (I assume you haven't already?)




Sorry for a lot of pointlessness, it might not all make sense, I just got woken up at 6:30AM and .. bottom line would be "you're not alone", I suppose.

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Originally Posted by EvilChicken!

.. happy emotions, (Forgot the name..?)

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Serotonin


If you need help with that I recommend 5-HTP. You can pick it up at any drug store of health food store. Its helped me in the past and is a natural alternative to help keep you stable with you sort through things (I refused to take antidepressants)

Try to aviod her if it helps ... If you guys have a close connection you should probably talk to her

Do not avoid her, it will hurt more than facing her, growing a pair, and telling/showing her how you feel.

Since coh3n, and.. well everyone else got my points, I will just say this:

Don't live your life by one moment. As much as these things are hard, look at what you can and can't own. You *can't* own people being idiots. You can own telling her what really happened. You *can't* own her response. You *can* own yours.

I'm an anxious person.. very very anxious person. The realization of what you can and can not own is a hard one. Look into it. It might shed some light on these things.

Oh, and if you need it. Add me on msn, or fire me a text. I think you have my cell. Cheers, bud.

Wow, thanks guys. I don't have time to reply to everyone (I should have left for school 10 minutes ago) but I'll reply to the general points.

I talked to her for like 6 hours about everything last night. I'd told her all along that I still cared about her, and that I still wanted to be with her. I doubt she knew how much I liked her, or didn't care.

Apparently I'm supposed to hang out with her to talk about our feelings after school, so we'll see how that goes. If I have an enormous amount of time, I'd respond to everyone's posts, I feel obligated to. You guys are great :).

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Originally Posted by 3Garrett3

I talked to her for like 6 hours about everything last night. I'd told her all along that I still cared about her, and that I still wanted to be with her. I doubt she knew how much I liked her, or didn't care.

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Atta Boy!

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Originally Posted by mormonman

Atta Boy!

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I meant that she's known the whole 3 years how I felt, but I doubt she's really cared.

Good job! Talking is the best way to go!

way better than bottling it up, like what i do :P

Speaking from experience, if she doesn't believe your story over a rumour her friend told her, she isn't worth the trouble. If she's oblivious to how much you want to be with her and says she can't trust you, she won't trust you.

Get out of there ASAP, its contradictory advice, but it's helped me out.

When I'm down I look at my photos and cry..

It only happened once that I cut myself.

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Originally Posted by Torrent of Flame

Speaking from experience, if she doesn't believe your story over a rumour her friend told her, she isn't worth the trouble. If she's oblivious to how much you want to be with her and says she can't trust you, she won't trust you.

Get out of there ASAP, its contradictory advice, but it's helped me out.

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You don't know how many times I've been told that. I just can't force myself to.

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Originally Posted by Dr D. Dervish

When I'm down I look at my photos and cry..

It only happened once that I cut myself.

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I don't plan on cutting myself. I don't know how it helps people feel better, or whatever it's supposed to do.

my advice for feeling better: go play your favourite sport! if it involves hitting someone else even better.
second piece of advice if above doesnt work. i find throwing a ball against a wall or something is very relaxing.

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Originally Posted by 3Garrett3

I don't plan on cutting myself.

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Pfff... thats not the right attitude. I guess thats the only solution. (trolling)

But serious, earlier in this post someone said that drugs aren't the solution. I do not agree with that, it's the only thing that keeps me happy in tough times. Don't use coke or an overdose alcohol or such. I say stick to the weet and Mexican mushrooms, with friends of course.