"Is your son a computer hacker"

[Jason2gs]

This is hilarious

Not only is he a complete moron, he's also ignoring the root definition of the term "hacker"

http://www.adequacy.org/stories/2001...2056.2147.html

Read down. "Top ten signs that your son is a hacker."

[dontpanic]

He seriously has problems... and gets terms confused lol... he thinks dos is same thing as ddos attack =P
And he thinks hackers use flash??....

[Jason2gs]

I saw that

"DOSing involves gaining access to the "command prompt" on other people's machines"

Lol

[dontpanic]

I think he also mixes up the hacker meaning like attacking computers and programming... he says programming with perl is hacking book...

[~alex~]

That was awsome... 'Lunix'

[Jason2gs]

And what was his deal with Quake?!

"If your son is using Quake, you should make hime understand that this is not acceptable to you. You should ensure all the firearms in your house are carefully locked away, and have trigger locks installed."

[~alex~]

Quake is friggin awsome lol. He shud stfu about quake before i h4x0r him!

He should beware becasue I RUN LINUX!

[blahness]

Quake is friggin awsome lol. He shud stfu about quake before i h4x0r him!

He should beware becasue I RUN LINUX!

He isn't because you arent using Lunix :P

[lolpie]

Popular hacker software includes "Comet Cursor", "Bonzi Buddy" and "Flash".

That made my day

Also why are random words hyperlinked on that page?

[lordsaturn]

LOL, have you seen the poll?

Poll

I'm scared of hackers because...
They hack into NASA 5%
They steal things 4%
They are violent sociopaths 4%
They use amphetamines and speed 7%
They help Osama Bin Laden 14%
They're un-American 5%
They smell bad 58%

Votes: 11015

"They smell bad" as being the most popular. =P



I found another link to something similar on the same page, this one just as amusing.

http://www.adequacy.org/stories/2002...066.17648.html

The car chase should be banned from the movie industry, and replaced with safer alternatives such as bicycles and running.

That definitely made my day. =]

[blahness]

In extreme cases, over-exposure to computer radiation can cause schizophrenia, meningitis and other psychological diseases.

Looks like I will need to order my lead vest the next time I go on my computer...

[lostspyda]

Adequacy - News for Grown-Ups.

Only in America?

[lostspyda]

Omfg, I just looked at this dudes other article...

Aren't Americans the most carefully trained and highly skilled motorists ever to take the wheel?

- With your Automatics? and Your ability to almost never negociate a roundabout correctly...


http://www.adequacy.org/public/stori...066.17648.html



You can read the rest of his "Stories?" here - http://www.adequacy.org/public/users/720/index.html

[Pyro]

Looks like I will need to order my lead vest the next time I go on my computer...

Yeah ive got my lead vest on. Aswell as my carbon gas mask just incase.

Rofl did he actually say what his son did?

[Jason2gs]

No, but I'd like to find out

Lol, I love how commanding he gets.

"Do not buy this chip! This is one request that you must refuse your son, if you are to have any hope of raising him well."

Haha...

[Mr.Klean]

If your son has requested a new "processor" from a company called "AMD", this is genuine cause for alarm. AMD is a third-world based company who make inferior, "knock-off" copies of American processor chips. They use child labor extensively in their third world sweatshops, and they deliberately disable the security features that American processor makers, such as Intel, use to prevent hacking. AMD chips are never sold in stores, and you will most likely be told that you have to order them from internet sites. Do not buy this chip! This is one request that you must refuse your son, if you are to have any hope of raising him well.

WTF, AMD is the best processor manufacturer ever. Intel blows.

[Boreas]

It's a joke.

[Jason2gs]

I'm afraid I don't understand, Boreas...

[Ruroken]

oh noes!

ima hack yous with FLASH!!!

(maybe a security flaw in AS....)

If your son has undergone a sudden change in his style of dress, you may have a hacker on your hands. Hackers tend to dress in bright, day-glo colors. They may wear baggy pants, bright colored shirts and spiky hair dyed in bright colors to match their clothes. They may take to carrying "glow-sticks" and some wear pacifiers around their necks. (I have no idea why they do this) There are many such hackers in schools today, and your son may have started to associate with them. If you notice that your son's group of friends includes people dressed like this, it is time to think about a severe curfew, to protect him from dangerous influences.

Sounds like a raver to me

They wear pacifiers so they don't bite their mouth while getting the jitters from XTC

[itSchRis917]

Wow... Lunix???

[Bobarkinator]

Dang, that was one of the funniest things I have read all day lol. I love the poll and Boreas I also don't understand.

Edit:

Now i have read this article throughly and must set the record straight, and also realize I'm an IT Technician so you know so you can understand what i'm saying is true. I'll go over this in the order this gentlemen has done this.

1.) Changing ISP's,
If your son requests changes for ISP's it has a 99.9% chance of having nothing to do with hacking because ISP's like AOL have nothing to prevent someone on your side from hacking. More than likely they request the change because they either want a faster internet connection to speed up downloads and webpage loading, or they want it to be more reliable because so many people use AOL often times their server are being overtaxed and may either fail or not letting you get on causing downtime. Another thing is AOL is one of the most expensive ISP's while other isp's like your local phone company are often times cheaper and have the same or higher quality service.

2.)Programs you don't remember installing such as Flash, Comet Cursor, and Bonzi Buddy.
None of these programs are Hacking Utilty's, Flash is a program downloaded by you web browser "Internet Explorer, Netscape, AOL(which runs off of Internet Explorer)" and it runs web animations so you do not have to download large movie files, Comet Cursor is another "web app" and what it does is change what your mouse cursor looks like when your on a certain webpage and only on that page, This program can also do this permantly if your like and it's as harmful as AOL's Buddy Icons. Bonzi Buddy is just software that is run and performs the same functions as AOL's Browser the only difference is that it has a little animated character to provide assistance much like Microsoft Office's Clippit the paper clip. The is however software put on your computer without you knowing it and that's called spyware, what the function of this is to monitor what you do with your computer like what webpages you go to, what kind of programs do you run, etc... the only reliable way of getting this off your computer is running a handy little program called AdAware available at http://www.lavasoftusa.com/ but realize some programs won't run without it like Kazaa because it is paid for by the ads it gives you. to get a spyware free version of this go to www.kaazaalite.com and also be sure to have a good Anti-Viral Program like Norton Anti-Virus 2002 with all the updates.

3.) Child asking for new hardware.
Again this has nothing to do with hacking. a fast video card will only enable better video performance when running 3d games the picture will be smooth instead of choppy. A new CPU "processor" will enable the computer to run faster and an AMD "Advanced Micro Devices" CPU will not give you more hacking tools it's just a different brand name infact the AMD Athlon XP has better performance than the Intel Pentium 4 which is supposed to be faster. Another thing is AMD is not out of a Third World Country unless you consider California a third world country then that statement wou be true. And how would a little kid be able to have the knowledge to to make a cpu it take people with college degree's to do this and they have to be in state of the art clean rooms which is not available in third world countrys. and any other new hardware in the computter will only give more speed and functionality.

4.) Does your child read hacking manuals.
This is the only thing in his list that has any merit whatsoever. You should as a parent pay attention to this if you find them reading these manuals then i would suggest you get them to stop.

5.) How Much time does your child spend on the computer.
While it is a good policy to limit computer usage, there is no such thing as DOSing. DOS is an acronym for Disk Operating System, it was Microsoft's first operating system for personal computers way back before Windows which debuted in 1985. Microsoft includes it with all versions of windows incase you were to have a program requiring it. And as to acessing it, it's as simple as go to start, programs, accessories, Dos/Command Prompt. so DOSing a pc doesn't exist the most your can do with DOS with another pc is ping another pc, and all this tells you is how fast the other computer is able to respond in milliseconds. and NONE of this is against the law.

6.) Does your child use Quake.
Quake is a First Person Shooter game, no more, no less. although this game is a little violent your kids are just fine playing this and i would reccomend they be atleast 13 years old and have been raised well enough to know the difference between a game and real life.

7.) Is your child being argumentative.
ask any parent and they will probably tell you that in the teenage years their child has been argumentative and rebelious, they simply do this because they want more independence and although you should grant them some do not give them complete because they still need guidance i know i did and i was glad my parents were there for me but gave me the freedom i deserved.

8.) Is your son obsessed with Lunix.
First of all it's called Linux and second it's based on an opesrating system called Unix not xenix which doesn't even exist. Unix was made around the time of the cold war for the United States Military not the U.S.S.R. and today Linux and Unix are widely used in many big companys like Bell Laboratories Unix is also a trademark of Bell Labs other versions of Linux are Called Red Hat, Mandrake, FreeBSD all free systems download from their websites.

9.) has your son dramatically changed his apperance.
What this person seems to be describing is what teens call a skater these people like doing skateboarding and rollerblading most of the skaters i've ever come across have no clue on how to operate a computer let alone hack. making this accusation is the equivalent to someone liking cars so they must rob banks. No connection whatsoever.

10.) Is your son struggling academically.
This might be caused to over use of the computer but it doesn't mean he's a hacker. and this hacking group Otaku doesn't exist and if it did it's highly unlikely that they would be a member.
"Excessive time spent on the computer, communicating with his fellow hackers may cause temporary damage to the eyes and brain, from the electromagnetic radiation. This will cause his marks to slip dramatically, particularly in difficult subjects such as Math, and Chemistry. In extreme cases, over-exposure to computer radiation can cause schizophrenia, meningitis and other psychological diseases. Also, the reduction in exercise may cause him to lose muscle mass, and even to start gaining weight" this is the biggest load of crap i ever heard of sorry to be blunt but this is true. There's nothing in a computer to affect your brain computer monitors are specially design to emit low radiation because their manufacturers know that people sit in front of thm for extended period of time. They won't affect your eyes unless you literally sit with your face three inches away or you never clean your pc screen. you should never actually touch the screen with your fingers becase the oils left behind will blur text causing your eye's to strain. Computer Radiation as he put it is only coming from the monitor and like i said they're levels are so low now that they are of no concern and if you child is getting fat well then have him excercise or something

[Harry]

What a noob.. ++++++++999999999 noob points to that writer of that article !

[you12]

lol all the confuses me, so im not a computer hacker

[freyyr]

Heh, I remember this one.

It was a satire directed towards the ignorance of computer illiterate people. Unfortunately, it got posted on several parent websites by those who thought it was real. Adequacy.org as a whole was actually a satire of Slashdot.

[KevinW]

Lol, i don't know much about computers and real hacking. But the guy's dad is a fag...lol, Linux, Perl and Quake are hacking signs and methods?

o.O oh it's a fake?The writer must be really creative about, made me laugh in real life though.