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Thread: Frozen Thunder

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    Default Frozen Thunder

    This was my final short story for English 9. I was never completely satisfied with it, mainly because I ran out of time and couldn't incorporate the polar naval operations. I'd appreciate some feedback.

    http://hydrogencode.freehostia.com/d...en_thunder.doc

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    Mind if I edit it?
    I guess the holidays are over - no sig for now.

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    No problem. I'm aware of a couple of grammatical errors that I never bothered fixing.

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    Hmm, it's a good story, but I have some complaints:

    Time changes are hard to follow. You might want to just put x hours later in y area.

    A bit TOO dramatic? Kinda like a hollywood movie, if you know what I mean.

    Some more character description. I have no idea WHAT the characters look like, what they LIKE, how they ACT. It's kinda too much story, not enough flesh.

    Basically, you have the bones, but not the details. If you'd like to hear more, I guess you can just PM me or something. Maybe I'll put one of my works up so you can see what I mean by it.
    I guess the holidays are over - no sig for now.

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    I know what you mean. I was on a very tight time constraint and a word limit (which I still accidentally tripled), and I never really got around to adding more details after it was graded. Ideally, with all the details added it really should be four or five times as long, with the same events. Adding a few passages to give insight into the characters' lives through mundane events like driving home would also help. It was rushed. Maybe sometime in the next few days I'll sit down and rewrite it properly.

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    Ok, do that. It'll probably help. Make the characters unique.

    And I just realized that this was for an English course. I learned how to write not with my English course, but with my creative writing elective. It helped much more than the former did.
    I guess the holidays are over - no sig for now.

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