Poll: Read the poem...what you think?

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Thread: The Secret

  1. #1
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    Default The Secret

    Those who know the secret
    Are those who take to heart
    The good the bad the everything
    And all within to start

    Those who know the secret
    Are able to be whole
    With what life gives and how to act
    They live in control

    What the secret is you ask
    It’s not for me to tell
    But knowing it truly could
    And would do you well

    The secret lies within us all
    Look deep into the grind
    The power to direct yourself
    Of body, spirit, mind

    The secret lies within us all
    The truth is in us seeking
    A pathway out to let us know
    It’s all in positive thinking


    Ya... that's what I got...
    ~>anonymity<~

    EDIT: post and rate please.
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  2. #2
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    I liked it! You definitely need a better ending though. Also, The last who lines of the third stanza don't seem to flow in my mind. Well Done! I don't think I could write something like this without a ton of time!

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    Default

    im not a big poetry fan... but i kinda like it

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tniffoc View Post
    The last who lines of the third stanza don't seem to flow in my mind.
    Thanks... changed from "To hear it shout a pathway out" to "A pathway out to let us know"..... ya... thanks for the feedback so far.
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    I just thought it was great cause I would never be able to write that good :P

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    Ooh. That does flow better; however, I wasn't talking about those lines. I was talking about these. It seemed that you need another syllable in the second line, but I could be wrong.
    But knowing it truly could
    And would do you well

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    Quote Originally Posted by Wizzup? View Post
    Is it possible to make Runescape a 2D game with this?... That would greatly simplify... Just about anything.

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    I don't really know too much about poetry, but I liked it. Voted it was good. Keep up the good work, I'd say.

    -Griff

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    Voted 6...could flow better...good message though.

    Who voted 1? That's pretty mean it wasn't that bad.


    Quote Originally Posted by Tniffoc View Post
    Ooh. That does flow better; however, I wasn't talking about those lines. I was talking about these. It seemed that you need another syllable in the second line, but I could be wrong.
    I agree those lines were for me the difference in a 6 and an 8.

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    I think it's awesome!

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    y am i so rubbish at english


    ure thing is so gd

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    Quote Originally Posted by anonymity View Post

    The secret lies within us all
    Look deep into the grind
    The power to direct yourself
    Of body, spirit, mind
    My favorite part. Keep it up, I am a big poet fan.

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    Not bad.... In fact quite good....

    I do have just one suggestion though. Punctuation is everything!

    Without punctuation, the reader can only guess as to how it is meant to scan.
    Pauses, emphasis, exclamation, surprise etc all dramatically change the way a poem is perceived..
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    This poem reminds me of the book: The Secret. Good poem, voted 8!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ron View Post
    This poem reminds me of the book: The Secret. Good poem, voted 8!
    My uncle, Bill Harris, helped write that book.

    http://www.centerpointe.com/about/thesecret/

    He's quite rich. I love holidays with him.. Haha ^^

    (Didn't read poem yet; at work, sorry! I will when I get home. Oh, and just in case you were wondering, I think I'm gonna try to finish my story soon. Sorry for the wait! =X)

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    lol i like the poem, hate the ideas behind the secrit though xP but i wont get into that.

    i found it kinda funney how in one line you said the secrit wasnt yours to tell, but in the last you say what it is. breaking the ruless!!
    Lance. Da. Pants.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lancerawks aka Lance View Post
    lol i like the poem, hate the ideas behind the secrit though xP but i wont get into that.

    i found it kinda funney how in one line you said the secrit wasnt yours to tell, but in the last you say what it is. breaking the ruless!!
    I do too, but I get good presents from that rich guy so whatever, I guess. Haha and you're not a sex expert. DON'T TALK ABOUT SEX AROUND LANCE! VIRGIN EARS!

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    i voted 9 - but whats the secret? :P
    Quote Originally Posted by Cstrike View Post
    Why do I even try these things? I just shit my pants over this god damn tutorial. Fuck, that's uncleanable. I can't even wash that out because there's so much of my shit it will just stain everything else. If I put it in the washing machine, I'm sure to stain the sides.

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    I didn't tell what it was... I just explained possibly what it does... ok.. I sort of did... personally I don't like the book or movie... Can't really stand it... but ya thanks.. I was just being bored one day... and kaboom.. that came out..
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    Quote Originally Posted by ian. View Post
    I do too, but I get good presents from that rich guy so whatever, I guess. Haha and you're not a sex expert. DON'T TALK ABOUT SEX AROUND LANCE! VIRGIN EARS!
    I R SECKSEXPERT!!
    SExPERT!

    and ok anonymity, i guess i just didnt read it well enough xP
    Lance. Da. Pants.

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