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Thread: First Poem I have ever attempted to write

  1. #1
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    Default First Poem I have ever attempted to write

    What does one do when you cannot go back
    Back to the days that were not numbered in black
    But rather the days when you felt so happy and alive
    Where everyday was not a struggle to survive

    So black and blue your emotions are bruised
    Your ego now stands crushed and shattered
    Laying in piles of dust and ash upon the mighty oak floor
    And you seem so tempted to walk right out of the door

    As fear of rejection sets forth within your mind
    You can remember how you felt whilst emotionally blind
    As your days are numbered here within Mother Nature
    You cannot bare the sight a zealous Heaven within this so called Hell

    As to where you may stand, whether between Heaven or Hell
    You should see the might oak band, rings of age and signs of such beauty in life
    And when you know that one simple purpose
    You will realize as to why your life is not so seemingly worthless



    Please leave a comment as to what you think about it and how you might rate it.

  2. #2
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    i would rate it 1-10 a 10 i liked it a lot

  3. #3
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    Wow forgot that I posted this. Thanks jmark9911, I am glad at least someone liked it enough to post!
    -Rasta-

  4. #4
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    Ohh <3
    Deep, and VERY meaningful. I like it A lot.
    9/10
    ~Penguin
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  5. #5
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    Thanks Penguin
    -Rasta-

  6. #6
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    Wow not to grave dig here or to double post but this is so old. I can't believe I post it on here.
    -Rasta-

  7. #7
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    deep meaning but you need to work on your rhyming

  8. #8
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    I recommend you change bruise to battered!

  9. #9
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    its deep, but im too lazy to pay real attention : P

  10. #10
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    I really like emotional poems. They seem to touch me inside. Loved it

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by DeiJaiVui View Post
    I recommend you change bruise to battered!
    that would rhyme better, true.

    anyways i ll give 7.5/10
    good job.
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  12. #12
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    This was an amazing poem for your first?? 10/10

  13. #13
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    dont grave dig please.
    Nearly maxed, woowweee.

  14. #14
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    I would rate it 7/10.

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