I had to write an essay for one of my classes. I decided to base it on child development.

I could really use some feedback on this. Not specifically on an editing basis. I just could use the help addressing the topic. What do you guys think. Am I correct; am I wrong? I hope you enjoy it and it makes you think a little.

Welcome to the epitome of a paradigm paralysis...

Held Captivate by Involuntary Ignorance
There is an underlying familiarity that connects all persons who make decisions. Every choice, every conscious ruling – be that constructive, adverse, honorable, or hypocritically self centered – is brought about from a personal understanding of past experiences. The fundamentals, those subtle yet strong associations, binding said choices together are what prove the brilliance or incompetence (naïve as it may be) of each decision. To epitomize on the subject, an aspect – parenting – relative to all human life, is a good place to start. Every parent/guardian is responsible for at least one individual, every parent was at one time in their life a child, and every parent makes choices throughout the extent of their parenting that essentially will have the power to shape the life and experiences for the person(s) in their care. This, of course, takes into account that every situation is open to extraneous circumstances (chaos factor). When faced with decision making ranging from tremendously significant to spitefully minute, the most delicate and influential condition stands on the delivery and parameters of such decision. Parental guardians who over shelter children end up giving the world more of an opportunity to cause harm to the child than if the child was allowed to understand the world.

To find out why and how to proceed with proper decision making one must know just what discipline is. As widely recognized and accepted, discipline will be defined as what occurs after a subject disobeys or goes beyond a virtually set barrier. This only leads to more questions on whether the proper or more effective form of correction includes but is not limited to a spanking, a pointed look, harsh words, a lashing, a look of grief, silence, and/or begging. In Eliminating Corporal Punishment: the way forward to constructive child discipline, a book dedicated to better explaining what the best course of action is for discipline, it is continually emphasized and stated that, “primarily, child discipline should be an intentional educational process that promotes pro-social behaviour, self-discipline and character development” (Durrant 121). This definition makes sense (and it should), but why is it that in today’s world, it seems on a general overview that progressively a greater extent of parents/guardians tend to forget this. More and more often a child being grounded is derived out of anger and/or fear than out of love and concern.

When an [adult] is responsible for the life of another human being(s), decisions tend to be made with a one way, tunnel vision, receiver and emitter; as will be mentioned later, the one way vision is based on the parent’s decision-experiences. Thinking back to life as a child or young adult, one of the biggest parts of an individual’s younger years is and always will be their mistakes. The fear of raising a child that makes the same mistakes and the anger of not understanding how to prevent what they may believe/know to be the same situation as they were presented with, when they were younger, from happening. Well, when it comes down to the decision making part, every parent/guardian has to make the choice of letting the world essentially taint the beauty and innocence of the person(s) they are responsible for, or take the easy way out and hide the child from the world and shield them off from what they think will bring no good. Be it directly or indirectly, somewhere down every story line is abuse (mental and/or physical), rape, broken hearts, teen pregnancy, debt, divorce, developmental disabilities, and the list goes on. Not trying to be stolid or a hypocrite, everybody has a story. One must get over oneself before one can truly help another.

In the light of science, a study was held to graph the fallout of detrimental parental practices. Jennifer A. Bailey, with a group of colleagues, undertook a project using G1, G2, and G3 to label generation gaps with G3 being the most recent generation (grandchild). Many conclusive experiments and years of study presented that, “results partially supported the hypothesis that parental monitoring and harsh discipline would be associated with child externalizing in both generation pairs. Both G1 parenting practices were associated with G2 adolescent externalizing behavior, but only harsh parenting by G2 was associated with G3 externalizing” (Bailey 9). No doubt, each one of those generations felt in some way slighted by the earlier. With personal experience and the knowledge of past events, relative “G1” and “G2” could use what they know to better the life of “G3.” It is the ability to not fear the past that will, over time, change a family tree of turmoil. The worst case scenario exists when a generation continues throughout life completely oblivious to the fact that they are involved (in some cases instigating) with an unhealthy line/trend of parenting behavior. Sometimes it takes a little nudge from what is perceived as chaos to bring the falling family rollercoaster back onto track and start it back up again.

Along with understanding past events and how they don’t need to be the negative factor in decision making, being solely responsible for any number of persons’ lives requires a depth of intriquite and humble resolve. When it comes to questioning the true depth of raising another human being, the collaborative work “Observing and Recording the Behavior of Young Children” presents comprehensive insight:
Why does a child do as he does? Is it because of a loving or rejecting mother, grandmother, brother, or sister? … Interpretation is difficult because it involves knowing so much. It involves feelings, too, our feelings. Can we put ourselves in a child’s place? Can we do it and remain objectively adult? Or do we respond to what we like or don’t like, agree with or disagree with, as we interpret? Are we competing with the parents when we find fault with the child? … Interpreting causes of behavior is dangerous unless we tread carefully. Can we verify every statement we make? Do we have evidence of our hunches and guesses? Is the child more important to us than being right? Are we willing to give up a pet theory because it really does not fit the child? (Cohen 233-234)
This piece expresses the profound nature of parenting and the responsibilities that come with this duty. It is imperative to use the allotted time with a child wisely and prepare them for the world they will be sent into. There is definitely a learned spectrum of higher and lower social authority that must be absorbed before being loosed into modern society.

In the argument of parenting decisions and responsibilities, letting a child spend time with peers (of all types/backgrounds) is necessary to build character and to the development of personality. Allowing a child to mingle with others will always involve certain risks. In Prinstein’s book Understanding Peer Influence in Children and Adolescents, it is rightfully brought up that, “peer influences may be unstoppable in adolescence, and we may not even want to stop them. But we will want to pay great attention to ways of enhancing adult inputs into the values that circulate among adolescents and their peers” (Prinstein 157-158). It is true that a growing child will never be able to be completely safe from the world and the people inhabiting it, but how each situation is met and the overall successfulness of a child can be broken down to a combination of secondhand and, most importantly, firsthand experience/knowledge. Secondhand experience will lead to knowledge, a mediocre knowledge of the world and society, but little to no understanding of how to apply it. On the other hand, firsthand experience will bring about reason and direction, associable to one’s life and development. Without worldly contact, it becomes hard to place any amount of significance to one’s own life. How every situation is handled defines the parent and will later influence the child.

Sometimes people think that they know best, sometimes they think they don’t understand a particular situation, sometimes one has to make a guess as to what the right course of action will be. In retrospect, everyone has a story, a reason, and/or event in their life that may make them act rashly when confronted with making a certain choice. This is to say that every person in some way is important and has a purpose; once the extended feeling of self importance has been overcome, clear minded choices/decision making can be undertaken. In the current day and age, the best way to successfully raise a child is to actually delve into oneself and confront problems there and by doing so finding how to help those significant people being watched over. In the 3rd edition of Transforming a Difficult Child, it is taught and pushed to be involved with one’s child and eventually “in having become your child’s therapist and in having shifted the way in which she switches her intensity from failures to success, you have set a new lifestyle in motion. Success will become second nature to your child, like breathing, and she will both attract success from the outside and generate success from the inside everywhere she goes,” (Glasser 216). Yet the only way to reach this is explained when it is made clear that one must “nurture your own heart … success has a life of its own … Keep nurturing success everywhere and you will see the fruits of a nurtured heart,” (Glasser 215-216). This goes beyond just any single moment or instance. As can be seen in both of these pieces from Glasser, it is important to nurture relationships; the fruits of a kind and wise approach will keep on giving back.

As with the developmental nature-nurture argument of whom/what influences the choices that one makes, there is a duplicity and middle ground to answering whether or not a child should be sheltered or made vulnerable to the world. If a child is extensively sheltered for the majority of their adolescent years, they will be being sent into the world with the mind of a child, thus not able to fend for themselves. This is ironically unfortunate because keeping harm from coming to the child was the reason for over-sheltering in the first place. On the other hand if a child is thrown into the world without a thought, the tumultuous evil in the world would take its chance to rein evil on the child, potentially creating a harmful externalizing generation loop. There comes a point in everyone’s life, whether once or on multiple occasions, albeit one needs to stop and look at the decisions being made and how those decisions will ultimately affect persons around them. Keeping a child virtually and involuntarily shut off from the world will not improve the chances of that child surviving in today’s society. Coming to a close, a quote from the philosopher Socrates proves to summarize the argument by saying, “there is only one good – knowledge; and only one evil – ignorance” (Laertius 173). No price can be put on human life, no specific amount of studying can truly prepare any person for the immense psychological, social, and emotional responsibility of having a child. In the end, the fundamentality of discipline, child development, and life in general all comes down to learning, listening, and loving.

Disclaimer: I do not blame parents for having to make hard decisions; we all have to. I just feel that it would be better for people in general to honestly look around and for at least a second... think.