Results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: revising paper

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    New Hampshire, U.S.A
    Posts
    586
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Quoted
    0 Post(s)

    Default revising paper

    could i get some revision? iv revised it a ton and have a 90% on this paper so far. it is three different scenes(well two and then a conclusion) showing why academic classes suck and hands on are better.

    Here is the Word Document

    Joshua Purdy
    English scene
    I can barely wait to get into metal shop. As I get to the door, Mr. Fenton says hello and walk through the door on the left and to my seat. After the bell has rung Fenton comes into the room and starts taking attendance.
    “It’s Thursday so Ill go backwards so charlotte doesn’t feel bad about being last.”
    “Its ok.” charlotte chuckled.
    “Anyone do anything interesting yesterday?”
    “Yeah, we got hammered,” said Bo. Fenton merely chuckled.
    “Don’t laugh!” Bo joked.
    “I have been working on the Italian song I’ve been working on for my sons wedding. I am going to make him cry.”
    Fenton told us a funny story as he does at the beginning of most classes. Apparently he got into a lot of trouble with the nuns at his catholic school. He lets us out into the shop behind the classroom after he’s done taking attendance. The lathes and drills are in the main room along with the polishing wheel and the back room has the welding, soldering, cutting, and grinding tools that we haven’t learned to use yet.
    As I walk through the mini locker area and into the shop I pass the small drill press and work tables.
    “Could everyone please come over here, I’m giving another demo.” Fenton said from the last worktable.
    One of the projects required in metals was to make a band ring. This was just a strip of nickel with the two ends soldered together.
    “When you’re soldering your ring, the solder is going to try to go through the crack in between the two ends of your ring. When you hold up you should not see any light through the crack. Push one end under the other and then do the opposite, so that the two ends are firmly together then file in between the ends to make them perfectly flat. When they are flat, file the top of the ring in an arc so that no light comes through.”
    I grab a file and push it in between the two ends, as I push it between the rings ends, but it catches and bends the ring a little. I try pulling the file out of the crack instead of pushing it so it doesn’t catch and when I pull the file completely out and hold it up, less light comes through. After filing and checking a few times I see barely any light through the crack. To finish I slider the file over the edge of the crack in the ring to smooth it out and no more light comes through.

    Mr. Fenton will give a demo on soldering tomorrow and I cant wait.

    As everyone gets settled he gives us our assignment.
    “You are to write a 6 page story involving history and showing intensive research.”
    “Six pages?!”
    “Yes, its due in a week, you have the laptop cart today to get started with your research, I expect you to be writing in two days.”
    I walk to the front of the class, grab a laptop from the laptop cart, and go back to my seat. As I start it up I think of the topic will write about. An Egyptian boy who is being attacked by assassins sent from his brother. So, now why would he attack him, maybe he is a threat to his brother because he has helped people and the evil brother has not. This seems like a good idea so I begin to research Egyptian rulers’ brothers to see if I can find anything like this.
    After a few minutes of failed research I notice Greg playing a game next to me.
    “What game is that?”
    “SHHH!” my teacher silently yelled.
    “Monster Jelly Super Truck Pro,” Greg whispered to me.
    The game looks so cool with the customizable monster truck and the flips you can do over jumps. Greg is so good at it that I just have to play it.
    “Mrs. Hambrook! Josh is playing a game.” I look at Kyle behind me, who is obviously playing a game too -I'm willing to bet he’s on the same game sight also- but he tattled anyway.
    “Joshua, Get off the games or you won’t be using the computers anymore. You will have to write.”
    “Kyle’s playing games too,” I say in my defense.
    “Kyle, you had better not be playing games. You both had better get off the internet, you’re done researching.”
    After about half an hour I have gotten a high score of 12.9 points. Greg, who is even now playing, has over 50 points. The game is boring since I’m so bad at it so I decide to do what I'm supposed to. I have a little over 10 minutes to write before Mrs. Hambrook asks to see what I have written. I know I wont be able to do enough to convince her so I resort to fixing a Pi calculating function I have been created. I keep getting a type mismatch error and I can’t see any mismatched variable types so I post my code to villavu.com and ask for some help. Class is over in less than a minute now so I log off before Mrs. Hambrook asks to see my work. Maybe I can get away with saying that I logged off already and don’t want to wait forever to get logged back in.

    Hands on classes are much more engaging because you have fun creating and manipulating things and testing your skills. I think that when you physically manipulate things, you have more physical control, whereas in English everything is in your head, and you cannot touch it. Since we are used to manipulating things physically, it makes us feel like less is getting done. Need to be able to see the effects of our force or we still feel like we aren’t really doing anything. By working in a hands-on class we can see things coming together, and the end result is tangible. It is really easy to get bored when we can’t see our progress, and we have to think completely different when we write.
    I think that most people learn better in hands on environments also, when we work, we work with a purpose. When we learn academics it is hard to apply it to the real world.
    Academic classes are very boring compared to hands-on classes like metal shop. We can’t talk and work at the same time in academic classes as well as we can in classes like metal or woodshop because the part of our brain we use for putting thoughts into words is close to where we think and write.
    Because academics are boring we tend to relieve our boredom by talking, which distracts other people who are trying to work and also makes it even harder and more boring to work. Academics themselves are boring.



    EDIT: if you make the edits in Microsoft Word with 'track changes' set to on then it will show me what was changed when you delete or edit stuff. If it doesnt let you attach it to your post then just paste it =\

    EDIT2: the hammered part, i cant exactly remember what he said so i made it up. it was something like that though.
    Last edited by g0tp0t; 10-13-2010 at 05:21 PM.
    Sell botted goods at mid to high prices!!! Else we lose our profit AND ruin the game!!!!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    AZ, USA
    Posts
    460
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Quoted
    0 Post(s)

    Default

    The only point I see you making to support your view is
    Since we are used to manipulating things physically, it makes us feel like less is getting done. Need to be able to see the effects of our force or we still feel like we aren’t really doing anything. By working in a hands-on class we can see things coming together, and the end result is tangible. It is really easy to get bored when we can’t see our progress, and we have to think completely different when we write.
    I think that most people learn better in hands on environments also, when we work, we work with a purpose. When we learn academics it is hard to apply it to the real world.
    the rest is pretty much "academics sucks because it's boring", which isn't really an argument.
    and I don't see how either of those scenes really reflects that (what I quoted); it's seems you just prefer the first class because of the people and teachers.

    As far as style etc. goes, I can't give advice as I'm pretty horrible at that
    Is your account in an old-school random? Help SRL-OSR solve randoms!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    5,227
    Mentioned
    6 Post(s)
    Quoted
    60 Post(s)

    Default

    :3 When I have time I'll look through it.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    New Hampshire, U.S.A
    Posts
    586
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Quoted
    0 Post(s)

    Default

    The first scene is me in metalshop and the second is me in english. the third scene is where i make my point

    Anyone? =\
    Last edited by g0tp0t; 10-15-2010 at 05:49 PM.
    Sell botted goods at mid to high prices!!! Else we lose our profit AND ruin the game!!!!

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •