Long wall of text, but please please do take a few minutes of your day to read it all, I'm just really bummed and sucking at life and any feedback or anything would really mean a lot to me....
It's 2:36AM right now so I don't think I'll be able to get into as much detail as I've wanted to make this post really convey how I'm feeling and what I'm (not) doing but I just really need to get stuff of my chest.
For quite a while I've thought my life was blah, especially since moving out of my house and into an apartment for college. This was supposed to be some the best few years of my life.
After being home with strict parents this was supposed to be absolute freedom!!! Yeah, I had to focus on tough classes, but besides that, car, own place, living with best friends, living very close to girlfriend, drinking (which I barely dobut it's nice that I can), clubs, and the awesome college atmosphere! So many people, opportunities, and freedom!
......and what have I done? Well... nothing.....
As the quarters have passed, I've become more and more of a ... deadbeat?
Stay up late, wake up late, hardly study, miss class often due to oversleeping, and sometimes when I do wake up on time I say to myself 'eh I can miss another day' and sleep more, sit on my ass on my computer doing absolutely NOTHING all day, I go out to class, I leave room to eat, and besides that.... not much... My grades are not very impressive at all and I just settle for C's (70-79%) in my classes....
I can tell the past month it has gotten SO MUCH worse, and the worst part about it is although I notice it, and hate it, and feel useless.... I barely even care..... It's just so hard to care/change my habits
I know WHAT to do, study daily, eat healthier, go out, mingle, do things, write my resume so I can get a job in this city instead of having to go home for summer (3 months) meaning not seeing my girlfriend very often (which she keeps bugging me to do, and I know she will hate me and I will hate it being home all summer and away from her) but I just can't do anything! Sleep, Eat, Computer, not care about school or job or anything.....
I guess my life has never been too interesting, a lot is spend on the computer, and the time I do have with friends is often video games, but sometimes we actually do more social things like board games, and go places... but usually I feel like weather I'm by myself or with friends, all I do is just unimportant and wasted time. It's hard to find fun and affordable and 'good' things to do with friends besides sitting around, being board, playing games etc. I want to DO SOMETHING with my friends we can have fun with and remember....
I just feel like almost every aspect of my life is going to shit, I'm settling for less and just going with the flow, and I hate HATE HATE that I just don't care to fix it....
So um, what the heck do I do to fix this?
I want to care about school more, I want to STUDY DAILY instead of cramming for 1 or 2 days and getting crappy grades...
I want to wake up at a decent hour.
I want to DO SOMETHING with my life besides computer and sitting in my apartment all day (But I feel like to do this, my grades must be better first, so I stay inside to 'study' (which I hardly do) and end up wasting time).
I want to finish my resume and actively apply for many jobs in the area to assure I get one in Davis(My Uni City) and not Tracy(my home City) so I can have a great summer with my girlfriend and MONEY which I need.
I just want to CARE and do better.....
Yeah yeah you can say to suck it up and just DO IT get of your ass and just flipping do all of those things every day little by little; and that essentially is the right/only answer to all of my problems, but I feel it's just not that easy D:
So yeah just free-wrote all of that, sorry for lack of organization and stuff just really wanted to get it out before I go to bed.
Goodnight SRL!










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but it's nice that I can), clubs, and the awesome college atmosphere! So many people, opportunities, and freedom!
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